19 Aug 2008

The human mind

Last night I slept very late, searching for something on the internet as if all answers are on the internet. In my dreams, i saw what i have been searching for and found out many ways through which i can solve the problem. I saw different versions of my mind..running like wild - from past memories to the wilderness of future. I realized that a persons ego and pride has something to do with what one thinks and acts in life. I saw the bitter moments of my past life and i conspired against my will to fight back for the lost glory in my dreams. I saw myself conspiring against those who had done wrong to me, thinking of unfolding those hidden secrets which were long forgotten. Seemed like life was talking to me, making me think to avenge for those moments borne silently, unknown to others, for those silent tears that moistened my cheeks and those sleepless nights that were spent in silent moans.

The dream though taught me one thing, to be better and do better in life that what i am doing. Those memories will haunt me in my loneliness, it wont be long when i will be tempted to do what my mind tells me. Maybe i should stop dreaming and get onto work and try to be a better human being. That would solve all the matters, i guess.

Forget the past, forget how people treated me and all those moments which i want to forget.Life will be much better thinking about myself rather than invest time on those moments which has been a part of my past. Lifes like that. Live and let live.

Managing around !!

Its been three months in this organization now. I have learned the basic thing to be done here - coordinating people! Though i do not know much about the technicalities involved in the job, i do fuss around coordinating various peoples from various fields. Be it Application team, Server Team, Network Team, Project Team or vendors; its the same for me. All i had to do is just follow the process framework. As long as i follow the process, i am less bound to make mistakes whether i know shit about it or not.

It thus makes a funny environment when i make silly mistakes. I have learned one thing after coming here, that you should mean what you write in the mails. Here people will make you eat your words, even if you missed a single word or unnecessarily added a word. Thats the whole business Boss. But thats cool, i now realize how much mistakes i have done while writing a blog or a mail int the groups. Lets see if my technical skills improve or my coordinating skills... rahter say managerial skills. "The boss is always right" philosophy :)

17 Aug 2008

Pandora's box

When i was a child, i wrote about life on a little peice of paper. Folded it in two halves and kept it in a small box. I hid it somewhere in the garden, to be dug out someday when i feel i have lost my way. It was sacred, a secret of my life as a child. Today i feel that i have lost my way, yet i seem to have no intention to dug out the box and see what i had written on it!! Maybe i get carried away with life.

Life's own ways of unfolding things, i guess. But someday i will open the box and see, where i have been heading for. Life, indeed !!

The Village

Life hits hard, you have to bear its blow at every step of life. When i think of all what i have left behind, back at home - friends, family, relatives, my hometown; it reminded me of the movie "The Village". Where old citizens try to save the younger ones in the woods, trying to make them live under the shadows of a giant devil. They wanted the people staying within the woods to fear the devil, so that they do not cross the other side of the wall and mingle with rest of the world. The only intention was to earn a simple living with all good things in them... and destroy thee seven sins of human being.

Life in Manipur seems to be not much different from the movie. The militants have terrorized the general public and spread terror in the area. From small things like taking taxes, demanding money in the name of a free Manipur. I really wonder what kind of freedom we will gain. As of now i believe that it has been absorbed in the system..and it will be hard to remove them. They have become a part of the system now. even if we deny the fact we may be unable to prove it technically.

When i think of my frens who were far happy to earn a days bread, i hardly try to control myself as i know that i am helpless and nothing can be done. But bit by bit, inch by inch it etches my heart and mind - to make me believe that they are used to it. I am, in my own way trying to help the people out there in my own little ways. A lotus, even if it grows amidst the dirty pond spreads it fragrance in its vicinity. Sometimes when someone asks me about Manipur, all i could say was that its a nice place and what they read in news is a media hype. What else could i tell, more than that?

Philantrophism is not enough for a good thing to start, a good act is. I do hope, many people do feel the same in some way or the other. Many people are with me, i know. Though they are a part of the system too, they know in their heart of hearts that they have to fear the giant devil as long as they have to stay in the woods.

15 Aug 2008

Price of Freedom

Today as i woke up early morning i realized that India is celebrating its 61st Independence Day. I kept thinking if we really are enjoying the freedom we are bestowed upon! Amidst the journey of life, i tend to believe that we all have to pay a price for freedom; it doesn't come for free. Zillions of images of the past came flashing through my mind, how as a child we used to be happy on knowing its a holiday for school on I Day. In Manipur, it was not just an ideal holiday, it was Bandh every year kept by the Millitants.

Years flew by, and i realized that as we age freedom becomes costlier. We have to pay a higher price for the freedom we want to enjoy today than the freedom we had in childhood days. Though the price could not be measured in terms of money or scaled by some index, we all can feel it. Today as i look back in life, i feel that the children out there should not pay the price we are paying noe from such a tender age. And i am doing my part to help them elevate their perception on freedom they enjoy.

Tagore expressed in the poem, "Where the mind is without fear" , the beauty of freedom. It gives a moral boost on reading that poem everytime. But alas, the country is heading where he had feared to tread.


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